"The Call"

On Tuesday evening I received an email from our Gladney caseworker, Robin. She let me know that she wanted to talk with Mark and I the following day at 9am CT (10 am our time) and asked me to provide her with the best number to use. Now, the title of her email was "Checking in" and Robin is relatively new to Gladney. So, I didn't get too excited about the email because a) that's not how the last referral happened and b) I just assumed she was touching base with families on her caseload to introduce herself, etc. So, I gave her my cell number and planned to talk with her the next morning. The call from Robin came as planned. Both Mark and I were working, so I told Robin I would find him and call her back from my office where we could use a good quality speaker phone. Then I asked her, "Do you need both of us there, or do you just need to touch base with one of us?". She said it was up to me, which supported my thought that this was just a "touch base" type of a call. I paged Mark and we headed to my office. We called Robin back, expecting just a quick phone conversation until she said..."Now, I need you near your computer terminal." I looked at Mark and mouthed, "This is it!" We were both taken a little off guard. Wow! It was actually happening! We put Robin on speaker and I said, "It sounds like you have some pictures you'd like to send to us!" Indeed she did. She sent through the referral for our Baby L. Such a beautiful baby girl who is only 2 1/2 months old. All 7 photos reflect those enormous beautiful brown pools that are her eyes! They are just lovely, as is the rest of her! She is described by in-country staff as "...a precious, smiley baby girl. She is alert and quite social for such a young baby, and will watch you with round eyes as you talk to her. Even if awoken in the middle of a nap, she remains good natured. She is truly a sweet baby." And she is!

This is our second Ethiopian adoption. Our first referral was a surprise (feel free to read the account earlier in this blog), and we'd already made arrangements with an international adoption physician to review Maya's records prior to accepting the referral, which we did. In hindsight, there really was no reason to think that we wouldn't accept Maya's referral after seeing the first photo that was sent to us, regardless of any concerns the physician may have had about her health status. After all, we're adopting orphans with access to little to no healthcare during their early years of life. What do we expect? We know there is a high likelihood that there will be some "issues" in a health report. In the case of Maya's referral, unless these issues had been glaring, they would not have stopped us from accepting her referral. Even then, we simply would have requested some additional information. With that experience under our belts, this time around we felt differently about the need for an international adoption physician. We didn't use one. Our "process" consisted of my looking at Mark and saying, "We're going to accept this, right?" and his saying, "Oh yeah." Done deal. Come what may!

Once off of the phone, we started to let our family members know. Of course they were all thrilled! That evening, we showed Maya the photos of her new baby sister. She loves babies. She consoles babies unknown to her that are upset in public places. She loves it when Elmo "talk a baby" on Sesame Street. She loved seeing Baby L's pictures. She ooohed and ahhhed without any prompting on our part. The first thing she said was "big eyes!". She patted Baby L's picture on the computer screen and was upset when we eventually stopped looking at the photos so she could go to bed. She asked to look at them this morning before school and after dinner, which we were happy to do with her. After she went to bed, I went out and had prints made of Baby L and put together a photo album for her to have of her new baby sister.

Now is the more difficult wait. We must wait for our court date. It is estimated we will wait 2 to 3 months for this date, and then court will be scheduled approximately 6 to 8 weeks from that time. If all goes well, we will travel to Ethiopia for the first trip in 4 to 5 months. This is when we will attend the court hearing that will finalize the adoption. We cannot post any photos of Baby L until after passing court. The second trip will take place 3 to 6 weeks after that. This is when we take Baby L to her embassy appointment and are able to bring her home with us. We realize, like we did the last time around, that anything can happen, but we continue to remain positive that all will work out as it should. After all, that was our attitude throughout Maya's adoption and it was so true. Had it not been for the delays, the temporary halt in the program while we were in process and all other factors, both positive and negative, that affected our first adoption, we never would have had the specific experiences we had, met the people we had or perhaps even have the daughter we now have. It was all meant to be, as was our referral of Baby L.

REFERRAL!!!

Today, Mark and I received our referral for a beautiful baby girl! She is 2 1/2 months old and healthy...and did I mention beautiful?! More later...

Updates

Well, last night we had a visit from our Gladney social worker. Prior to her arrival, I told Maya that Cheryl was coming to see us. That "Cheryl is a social worker just like Mommy". She has no idea who Cheryl is, but I made it sound very exciting! So exciting, in fact, that I was able to lure her upstairs for a diaper change because, "Cheryl is soon going to be here! We have to get ready for Cheryl!". Maya very happily complied. Cheryl came to complete our last post placement visit for Maya's adoption and the year update for our current adoption. We talked about all that Maya has liked, done, eaten, weighed and grown since the last time Cheryl saw us. We talked about losing our big orange cat Max as a significant change in the household that really seems to have affected Maya more than I anticipated. We talked about how well she is speaking, her empathy for others and her new sleeping patterns (and my overall lack of sleep). I tried to keep Maya out of Cheryl's purse. I stopped Maya several times from picking up Cheryl's keys and pushing the button that sounded the car alarm. We distracted Maya with her own pen while she incessantly went after Cheryl's. We listened as Maya gave some of those hearty from the gut "NO" 's that can only erupt from a 2 year old who is starting to come into her own. When it was all said and done, Maya wanted to watch Cheryl drive away, refused to come back into the house and screamed while I carried her. Overall, I considered the visit a success. We continue to wait for the referral of our second child. I hate to think what these visits will look like when there are two to control!

Well, we've completed our seventh month of waiting and are now into our eighth. Our window is officially open! The current average wait time for the referral of a child under twelve months continues to stay around the eight month mark, which means that we can get "the call" any time now! Sooo exciting! Sooo much to think about doing: moving Maya into her "big girl room", moving our all of our stuff out of the "big girl room", trying to find room for the things we've moved out of the "big girl room". I think we need another room! As with Maya's adoption, things just don't seem as real to us as we now know they will when we actually see our new baby for the first time. Trust us, that photo becomes a real motivator! Waiting patiently...

Hair Care

Hair, and the proper care of it, is an important part of black culture and identity. As a white parent, I've no trouble admitting I knew nothing about black hair care until I began my research long before Maya became a part of our family. Caring for it is completely different than caring for my own. Granted, I know much more now than I did two years ago, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that I've much more to learn. I'm looking forward to it. Over the past several months, Maya has developed quite a head of beautiful hair. Attempting to remain natural in what we use, I've come across a company that I love...and so does Maya's hair! Right now, her corkscrew curls are quite soft, and she enjoys the occasional headband or barrette. I'm actually surprised that, at the age of two, she leaves them in as long as she does...sometimes sleeping in them! We've not yet gotten into the braiding or twisting, although she has allowed "puffs". The reason for not wearing the more intricate hairstyles has nothing to do with my lack of willingness to try, but to Maya's need for speed! She can't sit still long enough for me to try one braid, let alone an entire head full. It's alright. She seems to enjoy her current hairstyles. If you were here, she would point to her headband or barrette and announce, "puh-retty!". If she feels good about her hair, then so do I! No need to press the issue at this age, but at some point she and I must begin actually "doing" her hair. A wonderful mother daughter activity that she will pass on to children in her future. In some adoptive families, like this one, the father becomes the go-to person for hair. How nice!

Six Down!

We've completed our sixth month of waiting and are well into the seventh! That means that, as long as things continue to move smoothly in Ethiopia, we are getting very close to our referral window. Wow! This is going quickly!

We've had a fantastic summer with Maya. She's loved playing with her bubble mowers, new tricycle, sand box filled with pink sand, tea set and her babies. She's enjoyed walks in the sun and sitting in the shade on the front porch with Mommy, Daddy and anybody else who has a hankering for watching cars go by. She loved the pool so much that, every time we went, we had to pull her out against her will when it was time to leave...at 7pm. She loves to "help" around the house while singing her favorite songs (Bingo, Alphabet, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star). She loves to make us laugh, and that happens often.

Back to School

Now there's something I didn't know. While many in the world are worried about folders, pencils and new clothing, many others wonder if their school will be in operation because clean water is not necessarily attainable. To learn more, visit the link!

Yes, We're Still Adopting!

We've been busy...very busy! Maya is 2 years old. Need I say more? We've spent five months on the wait list for our second child, and there really aren't any changes to report in regard to the adoption process. The average wait time continues to hover around 9 months, and families who have already received referrals are making their newly required two trips to Ethiopia: one to be present for the court procedure that finalizes the adoption (which reportedly lasts about 10 minutes) and one to bring the child home after his or her embassy appointment. The courts will close the end of this month for the rainy season and are expected to open the end of September or beginning of October. This means that, although families will not be traveling for court dates during that time, waiting families will continue to receive referrals. The courts then typically reopen to a backlog of court cases but eventually get caught up again.

I have been feeling very guilty for not blogging as diligently about our second adoption. I spent so much time recording so many things while waiting for Maya, with the goal of saving this blog for both children to share. I've come to the realization that a) parenting a 2 year old is wonderfully exhausting and b) there are simply fewer "unknowns" this time around. To a certain degree, we know what to expect from the process (including the unexpected) and many of the preparations that had to be made prior to Maya's arrival don't have to be made a second time. This adoption process is different, however, in that we will eventually begin to prepare Maya for another child in the house. We've begun mentioning this to her, but the concept is too abstract for her right now. Once we get the referral we will have a picture to show her and we will be able to talk with her about something that is a little more real to us all. It will be interesting to see what she has to say!

I have made a promise to myself that I will check in before another 3 months passes by. In the meantime, we will continue to wait for what Ethiopia has in store for us!

Two

Our second month of waiting is complete. Truth be told, this last month went by rather quickly!

One Down

Well, we have our first month of waiting under our belts! We can't remember if it seems to be going slower or faster than our first adoption. Regardless, the wait doesn't bother us. We continue to love our time as a family of three. Let the waiting continue...

Michael Franti

Michael Franti is a successful African American musician adopted domestically by a white family. In December, he performed for the Dave Thomas Foundation special "A Home for the Holidays". You can watch his video here. Also, I find his song "Say Hey, I Love You" quite catchy (video also on YouTube)!

It's There!

According to the tracking information, our dossier was delivered to Addis Ababa yesterday at 4:47pm, US time!

True to form, some new developments in the world of Ethiopian adoptions since we started our second adoption. We were notified last week that the Ethiopian Federal Courts now require both adoptive parents to be present for the child's first court hearing in Addis Ababa. Then, only one of the adoptive parents is required to return to Ethiopia 3 to 6 weeks later to bring the child into the US. That's right, 2 trips to Ethiopia instead of 1. The reason behind this is to create an additional level of transparency in the adoption process and to protect the integrity of the program. We are completely in favor of this. Although an unexpected twist, we will figure out a way to make this happen. Our first adoption was so uncharacteristically smooth by international standards that we are not surprised this change has come up! We prefer to think of it as "getting to go twice" rather than "having to go twice".

Paris!

This morning we were notified that our dossier, all 1.5 pounds of it, are currently in Paris, France. It's on schedule to arrive in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia shortly!

Waitlist!!

On Friday March 4th, we were notified that our dossier is off to Washington D.C where it will spend a leisurely week at the Ethiopian embassy getting translated. After this layover, it is off to Ethiopia. It will take approximately one week to get there via Fed Ex, so that means it should land in Addis Ababa by the end of this month. In the mean time, Gladney has informed us that we are officially on the wait list! At this point, Gladney is telling us that families have waited an average of 9 months for the referral of a child age 0-12 months. From there, it's an estimated wait of 2-4 months for a court date, which is when the adoption is finalized in the Ethiopian courts. Then, travel is expected 2-6 weeks after that. This gives us time. Time to prepare for the arrival of the fourth member of our family.

Done!

That's it! Our dossier is done and we await for official word that we are on the official Gladney wait list for our second referral from Ethiopia. Huh. I guess we are technically...unofficial.

And The Gold Medal Goes To...

Holy cow! We weren't expecting this for a couple of months, but our "gold medal" has arrived! Our USCIS approval came today in an envelope that looked so unofficial, addressed by hand only to Mark, that I assumed it actually may have been junk mail. That's it! We get some documents notarized (that we currently have in our possession) and our dossier is done! On to the next "event". Yes, I love the Olympics.

Let The Games Begin!

Mark and I completed our required initial phone call with Mary T., our Gladney caseworker from here on out. She was our caseworker through Maya's adoption, so it was nice to talk with her again! We continue to wait for our I171 from USCIS. That's the last of it before our dossier can be sent to Ethiopia. We have no idea when it will arrive, and there is no way to check up on its status. Any day from now...up until three months from now...it will land in our mailbox. The winter Olympics have begun in Vancouver, and there is one Ethiopian athlete competing! Here is his story.

We're Approved...Again!

Well, we received official word today that Gladney has approved us for our second adoption! Neither of us was aware of anything we might have done between our first adoption and our second that would warrant a denial, but one can never be too sure. Despite this, it's an accomplishment. It's a small step forward (that required a tremendous amount of time, paperwork, and patience) toward our return trip to Ethiopia, but we'll happily take it! After all, we know that some steps back are inevitable, so every little bit helps! At this point, we continue to wait on one final detail in regard to our home study so it can be sent to USCIS (Center for Immigration Services) in Philadelphia. Then we wait...some more...one month?...two months?...three months?...for our approval from USCIS before our dossier can fly on over to Ethiopia!

Haitian Orphans United With Adoptive Parents

This video is one piece of good news in the midst of all that is happening in Haiti. It is worth posting and certainly worth watching. Enjoy!

Still Waiting to be Waiting

We received word from Gladney that our home study had to go back to the social worker for some run of the mill changes. Nothing drastic or out of the ordinary. We also received an email requesting some information that is now required of PA families which is different than the last time around. This, however, should not delay things. Once the final home study draft is returned, we receive one more document for notarization and wait for our NCIS approval. Once we get the approval, our dossier is complete and off to Ethiopia for a match! This is a wait for which we are anxious to wait.