We Passed Court!

At 1:14 p.m. this afternoon, Mark and I were notified that the Ethiopian courts finalized our adoption.  We are a family!  

Second Update in One Month...

What a nice surprise!  We received another update today on Baby M, and she looks great!  The in country staff tells us:

"Wow, this little one was jabbering away to herself when I walked in her room.  She was sitting up and playing with a blanket that has a stuffed animal on it.  She was interacting with a caregiver when the caregiver began to play peek-a-boo with her.  She laughed and giggled during the game.  She is outgoing and personable!"

Still no scale.  Apparently, a special medical license is required to get a weighing scale in Ethiopia replaced.  The attending physician has been working on this, but it apparently isn't easy to accomplish.  She looks healthy, though!

Hopefully, we'll be able to post good news on Thursday...

One Week From Today...

...our assigned court date will take place, and we will be notified of the outcome that same day.  We remain cautiously optimistic when talking about it with others, and this is often followed up with the following question:  "Well, why wouldn't you pass 

court?".  Reasons for not passing court vary.  Rarely, if ever, does it have anything to do with the information in the adoptive parents' dossier (the big packet of papers and forms we spent months putting together before sending it off to Ethiopia).  Rather, the child's file may be missing a form that the judge requires and because there are few if any FAX machines in use it doesn't make it in time for the assigned court date.  Or, perhaps the judge is requiring the presence of a particular individual in the court room to provide testimony that substantiates the relinquished or orphan status of the child(ren) and that person is either unable to make the trip to Addis Ababa or is simply too ill to appear in court on the assigned day.  Then again, it may be due to the fact that on that date the capital is experiencing a loss of power - rolling blackouts are not uncommon.  If we don't pass, that doesn't mean the adoption will never happen.  It simply means it's delayed.  We would then need to wait for another court date to be assigned and hope we pass the second time around, or the third...

We know nothing about our court case (ie. if they have all of the paperwork, if they will require additional testimony, etc.) other than it is scheduled for next Thursday.  Once again, an exercise in remaining calm because we have absolutely no control over what may happen.  The one thing over which we do have control is how tightly to cross our fingers.  And cross them we will.

Cocooning

co-coon-ing  n.  Retreat into the seclusion of one's own home during leisure time, as for privacy or escape

We've spent months reading literature, watching DVDs and talking to fellow adoptive parents about attachment.  This is perhaps, in our humble opinion, one of the most important aspects of adoption on which adoptive parents should become educated.  I could bore you with all we've learned, the details about brain waves, neuro-development, the unspoken language between a baby and it's parents, blah blah blah, but I will spare you the details.  Just know that it's important and that a better part of Baby M's mental and emotional well being for the rest of her life depends on it.  At least, that's what the experts and years of research tell us so we're gonna' go with it.  

Attachment doesn't just happen.  As much as we might like to think so, Baby M has not been waiting for us to come and get her.  As a matter of fact, she looks quite happy right now.  She's comfortable with her environment and the people that have been taking such good care of her for the better part of her life.  I doubt she's thinking that she can hardly wait to get onto a plane and spend 15 hours, let alone the rest of her life,  with two people she's never met.  We'll sound, look and smell funny to her and she'll wonder where her "family" went.  We have to show her that she can trust us and that we are her last stop.  That we are her family.  She has to be secure in her relationship with us and learn that we are her parents.  She has to attach.  Here is where cocooning comes in.  After we arrive home, we plan to cocoon for at least one week.  Just the two of us and Baby M.  No visitors, no outings, no parties.  Just some very low key time for her to get used to everything that's new to her and for us to figure out what the heck we're doing!  After approximately one week home, we'll gladly welcome visitors in very small numbers, but they'll have to wait to hold Baby M.  By the fourth week, people will be able to hold Baby M for short periods of time and we will be able to increase the holding time from there depending on her reaction to all of this.  All the while, we will be working on attachment exercises and activities, we'll be holding or "wearing" her for a better part of the time in a carrier, and we'll be meeting all of her needs for an undetermined period of time.  We'll give it a whirl.  We figure we have nothing to lose, and she has everything to gain.      

We came across a letter on an attachment website that does a nice job of explaining attachment parenting to others.  We've customized it to Baby M and thought we would share:

Dear Family and Friends, 

As we prepare for the arrival of Baby M, we have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby.  In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle.  While she may not consciously remember the events, research shows that infants still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma.  She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country.  Her world is about to turn upside down as she (hopefully) makes adjustments to her third set of caregivers, and she will undoubtedly struggle once again with feeling safe and secure.  She may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs, and our goal as her new parents is to assure her that we will.  We are prepared to meet Baby M’s emotional and physical needs so she learns that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe.  

The attachment process between a new baby and his or her biological parent(s) takes place over time.  Every infant is born with the ability to attach, and this attachment begins and continues to develop as the instinct within the baby’s brain is awakened and strengthened through baby/parent interaction.  In order to form a strong and healthy attachment, we will allow Baby M to regress as needed so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us as her new parents, despite her chronological age.  Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times.  While it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every cry and need quickly and consistently.  It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing.  You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child.  We will follow her lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects. 

We have all been waiting anxiously for Baby M to arrive but she has not been waiting for us.  As a matter of fact, she has settled in quite nicely in her new surroundings in Ethiopia and has become quite comfortable with the caregivers by whom she is surrounded.  Once in our care, she may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and that this truly is her last stop.  We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for Baby M, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding. 

Love,

Mark and Shira

        

Another Update!

We received another update from Ethiopia on Baby M, along with two very nice pictures.  Unfortunately, the scale at the foster center remains broken so no updated weight.  Judging by her little thighs in the one photo, however, weight gain appears to be no problem!  She looks good: healthy looking weight, bright eyes and happy.  It's reassuring.  The in country staff tells us that "Baby M was very happy for me today.  She smiled and giggled when I came to get her to come and play with me.  During our play time she made very good eye contact, and would smile at me if I made a funny face.  She loves to be talked to, and would laugh if I just kept talking to her."  Thirteen days until our court date...